Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Where's The Kitchen Sink?

I'm really picky about my purses. Before I buy one I have to thoroughly inspect it. I hang it off my shoulder, while posing in the mirror, to see just where it falls. Usually, they need to have a zipper in the top or a hangover flap that can be securely fastened. THAT'S BECAUSE MY PURSE IS ALWAYS BUGLING OUT OF SHAPE FROM ALL THE STUFF I PUT IN IT. Incidentally, today is January 28 and I'm just now changing over from my summer straw purse to my black leather, winter purse. Story of my life.

I never stopped to think about it until I saw this week's topic but I think I must be deathly afraid of being stuck somewhere without my most vital necessities.

As I'm unzipping my purse to inspect its contents, I am reminded of what happens every time I'm standing in the check-out line at the grocery store. Before I can get to my heavy wallet to get to my debit card, I have to first pull out my sunglasses. Next on the counter comes my brush. I don't actually take out the stick of deodorant or my bottle of coQ10 dietary supplements or the bottle of Allegra allergy pills - that would reveal too much about me personally - so I push those to the side and pull out my camera, my cell phone and my keys instead. Inevitably every checker person has the same look on his or her face. As I'm making my usual apologies, their eyebrows are usually arched and their bottom lip is normally curved up and to the side. Suffice to say, they're not amused.

It's so embarrassing.

Why don't you get a bigger purse, I'm sure you must be asking. I ask myself the same question all the time but the truth is I flat just don't look good carrying a big purse. And it's too bad because I love big purses but I must admit it's all about the look.

If I need an extra nickel or a dime, I have to dig through all my bottom feeders like pens, breath mints, my Orbit gum (Sweet Mint), my Loreal dark brown mascara, a small calculator, a stamp box, and a spare package of toe heaters, to make the change. I discovered this vital winter necessity while living in Vermont and now I keep them in my purse just in case my feet get cold.

A good purse has to have lots of pockets and side zippers. Mine hold several lipsticks, a small tin of Smith's Rosebud Salve, a tube of Carmex, my favorite blush, Clinique's concealer, a perfume sampler, Burt's Bee's hand cream and finally a small trial-size of Oral-B dental floss from my latest visit to the dentist.

Whew, that's a mouthful. And speaking of my mouth, I'm not sure why I don't carry a toothbrush.


Maureen Lipinski said...

WTF is a toe heater? I'm intrigued.

Whatever it is, I think I need one. Chicago ain't exactly havin' beach weather right now.

Jillian Cantor said...

Now I want to see a picture of this purse, because I can't imagine it not being big?! Seriously, though, I love how prepared your are. My purse is filled with stuff (as you will see tomorrow) yet I never seem to have what I need!

lisapatton said...

Okay, Maureen. The ONLY way I know WTF a toe heater is is because I lived in Vermont. They will change your life, guaranteed! Run don't walk to Walmart or Target and go to the outdoorsy section and ask for them. My feet are no longer numb in the winter.

Jill, funny thing is I'm not prepared for preparation sake. It's just that I put the stuff in and never take it out! I'll send a picture when I figure out how to upload!

Tracy Madison said...

LOL, I googled "toe heater." Might have to get me one.

And I get the not prepared for preparation sake! I'm exactly the same way. Fun posts this week! :)

lisapatton said...

Tracy, there are toe heaters in my book. Promise to try them out. They will change your life - guaranteed!