Thursday, December 24, 2009

A "Magical" Transformation

Yesterday when I was at the eye doctor, of all places, I got to thinking about how much my life has changed in the past few years. The last time I’d been there, to this eye doctor, it was a few years ago and I was very pregnant with my second child and probably more stressed than I’d ever been in my life. Back then I’d just finished up a major revision of The September Sisters and had no idea if it would finally sell or if it would end up in the trash; I was worried about being a mother again and still not having gotten my writing career off the ground, I was worried about my impending c-section which my doctor had so thoughtfully scheduled for Halloween, I was worried about the fact that all my worrying was elevating my blood pressure every time I walked into a doctor office, which made my doctor routinely send me to the hospital as a “pre-caution” which of course, only worried me more. And then there was my left eye, which in the midst of all that worry, turned the brightest shade red I’d ever seen and landed me at the eye doctor, eight months pregnant.

The red eye, like most of the rest of my pregnancy induced worry, turned out to be nothing serious. My “high blood pressure” always turned out to be not high at all as soon as I’d lie down and take a deep breath. My baby, quite smartly, decided he wanted out way before Halloween. And shortly thereafter, The September Sisters sold.

But yesterday, as the doctor reviewed my chart and we chatted about how old “the baby” is now, and how my red eye has been fine ever since giving birth, I remembered back to that moment, that other moment of sitting in that chair, talking to that doctor. That moment of feeling worried and so uncertain about the future. I remembered back, and the feelings I felt then overwhelmed me once more. Then I felt this giant sense of relief, that I was never going to go back to that moment again, that moment of not knowing whether my baby was going to be born okay or whether I was ever going to achieve my dream of being published, whether I was ever going to be a “real” writer. Of course, I have new things to worry about now, but, sitting in that chair, I realized I felt completely different, an utterly different person.

Lesley asked us to write about magic, and though I know this transformation of my life, the way I feel, isn’t exactly magical, sometimes, it feels that way. It feels that way when I look at my children and think about the fact that a few short years ago, I wasn’t a mom. It feels that way when I think about having one book published and two more on the way in 2010, and think about the fact that a few years ago I was mired in rejection. I also know, there is a difference between magic and hard work, but sometimes, I think it took a little bit of both for me to have transformed from that women I was, sitting there, a few years ago, to that woman/author/mother that I am today.

A very happy release week to Lesley, who I hope continues to finds lots more magic in both her real life and her fiction! Don’t forget, Lesley’s giving away a signed copy of DARKLIGHT to one lucky person. All you have to do to enter is leave a comment on any post this week.


Crissi said...

Ummmm, I don't have a situation like that, however I do have a stressful story... Back in 2002 I went blind siting in class and was taken to the emergency room where eventually my sight returned. The eye doctor told me that on that day the pressure in one eye was 14, while the other was 67...Months of tests later, it turns out I'm part of the worlds population (10%) that go blind when they get migraines.

Go figure.

Can't wait for Darklight!

Anonymous said...

Jillian reading what you went through last year twisted my insides all up.LOL.I need a breather but it's kinda hard with several things seeking my attention.I'm just trying to get back to stalking this blog like I used to,LOL,because I miss you guys
...I mean ladies.

Anonymous said...

Ohhh heeeey I just noticed you have a new pic up.You know where all of you Novel Girls have your author pics up.I like it.Your hair looks good straight,I didn't recognize you at first. Alright I am off to bash down some of my work load with a mallet.TTYL.

Scott Romanski said...

Glad to hear that all went well for you with the stress and all.

Lesley Livingston said...

That's the thing about magick! It comes in so many different shapes and sizes. ;-)

donnas said...

Great post. Its amazing really how when you look back on events you realized how magical things really were.

Rai said...

Wow! ucky stress