Lisa’s post yesterday reminded me how precarious and fleeting life can be sometimes, and I feel so deeply for her and her family, not just because Lisa is one of the sweetest women I know (because she is) but also because I’ve been a little self-absorbed as of late. It’s surprisingly easy to do, when you’re promoting a book, when it feels like everything in the world suddenly revolves around you eating/drinking/sleeping/talking about/tweeting about/blogging about said book. And lately, in the midst of promoting THE LIFE OF GLASS, I’ve also been having what feels like some bad luck with some of my new projects, and I’ve found myself obsessing over my writing career, where it’s going, what I should be doing next, what’s going to happen to the books I’ve written but haven’t yet sold. But then you step back, or you read a post like the one Lisa posted yesterday, and you remember that there is writing and there is life. Lately, I’ve been forgetting somewhat about the life part.
And so it almost feels odd to blog today about what I want ten years from now. I had a list of goals in my mind all week, things I would write about here that had to do with my writing career, my family, where I’ll be living. In ten years from now, I’ll be in my early 40s, my kids will be teenagers, and I will hopefully be an established writer. I hope I’m writing full-time, that I’ve been able to move to a city that’s not so achingly hot in the summer and where my kids can actually get a good public education. I hope that all these things will be true.
But today it feels more appropriate to talk about what I want to be doing now, what I should be doing now. Lately, I’ve been paralyzed by fear, unable to really genuinely start work on a book I want to write because I’m afraid I can’t do it or that it might not sell or that maybe it’s a project to put off for the future. I’ve been doing everything I can to keep from starting it, all the while letting it and other book-related things consume my thoughts.
Today, I’m going to start that book. I’m going to remember to write because I love writing, but also, that writing does not equal life. Today I’m going to take a deep breath and stop worrying/thinking about/obsessing over the future.
What will you be doing today?