GAH!

I've often heard publishing professionals say that as soon as the ink is dry on an author's contract, the promoting begins. And I get that, I really do. It's my job to sell my book. And really, who better?

But let me just be clear about how I feel about it:

OMGOMGSTRESSSTRESSGAHGAHHOLY****CRAPFUH

OK, so now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's talk specifics. I'm still in the middle of figuring out exactly what my promo plans will entail, but I can give a few ideas of things I know I'll do.

1. Book Launch Party. Books? Good! Drinks? Good! Food? Good! This is an event I've always dreamed about. Me, dressed in some fabulous outfit, holding an elegant drink, mingling and sharing witty conversation with people who are buying my book up by the dozens.

Yes. Dreaming.

The reality is I'll probably spill something on myself within the first five minutes. And it'll probably be something like an entire glass of red wine. I'll talk too much, probably say inappropriate things and laugh too loudly. Sound like fun? Good! Because you're all invited! Time and location TBA!

2. Drop-in Book Signings My publicist told me that for official signings, book stores like to have at least 25 people there. Doesn't seem like a lot, right? Well, think about it. Random town in the middle of Indiana. You know no one. Which is exactly the amount of people who will come to your signings.

That's why I'm planning on doing a road trip, Maureen Author Style. The husband and the toddler will be dragged to every major bookstore in the Chicagoland and surrounding areas to pop in and offer to sign stock. Signed books sell faster and are less likely to be thrown in the bottom of the Discount Books 4 U bin. Or so I'm hoping.

I figure, if nothing else, I can threaten to unleash my kid on the store to see how quickly he can shred the co-op books and endcap displays. That threat might be quite effective.

3. Website and Blog In addition to blogging with my fab Novel Girls, I also have my own website and blog, where I post author news, talk about my latest books and discuss my love for '80s movies and Corey Feldman. Come and stop by! I occasionally post hilarious photos of my kid, to amuse and delight my readers. Which will probably force him into therapy as soon as he's able to say, "mercenary."

There's a bunch of other stuff I'm planning on doing like contests, giveaways and conferences, but those aren't totally firmed up yet, so I'm not going to bore everyone with the details of stuff I "might" do. But I'm not going to lie, it's tough to figure out what works and what doesn't.

If nothing else, I'll just stand outside stores wearing a homemade sandwich board advertising my book while ringing a bell. Works for the Salvation Army, right?